Ni bukan fenomena kad debit yang aku nak cerita, tapi berkenaan perubahan tingkahlaku manusia. Dan skala kecilnya adalah kanak-kanak di bawah 5 tahun. Cerita berkenaan tantrum dikalangan kanak-kanak dan boleh juga berlaku di awalan sekolah rendah.
Tapi kebanyakan di media sosial, ramai merujuk malah memahami bahawa tantrum berlaku pada kanak-kanak berumur 2- 4 tahun. Pendapat ini tidak boleh dijadikan sebagai rujukan. Nak jadi cerita, ramai pula percaya bulat-bulat pendapat sebegitu.
Tantrum adalah biasa di kalangan kanak-kanak cuma ia menjadi luar biasa apabila melibatkan kanak-kanak hyper aktif atau juga autism.
Seharian mengkaji tantrum ni maka aku rasa edisi Bahasa Inggeris ni lebih bertepatan dan bermanfaat untuk dikongsikan seperti :
- Ignore The Kid
- Give Your Child Some Space
- Create a Diversion
- Discipline Without Spanking
- Find Out What's Really Frustrating Your Kid
- Hugs
- Offer Food Or Suggest a Little R&R
- Talk it Over Afterward
- Try to Heal Off Tantrum-Triggering Situations
- Remember That You're The Adult
- Don't Lose Your Cool
- Give Your Kid Incentive To Behave
- Let Your Child Know You Love Him
- Speak Calmly
- Get Out Of There
Dari segi bahasa di Wikipedia :
"A tantrum, temper tantrum, meltdown or hissy fit is an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, anger ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, hitting. Physical control may be lost; the person may be unable to remain still; and even if the "goal" of the person is met, he or she may not be calmed. A tantrum may be expressed in a tirade: a protracted, angry, or violent speech."
When your kid's in the middle of a tantrum, it can be tough to keep yourself from having your own meltdown, too.
"Meltdowns are terrible, nasty things, but they're a fact of childhood," says Ray Levy, PhD, a Dallas-based clinical psychologist and co-author of Try and Make Me! Simple Strategies That Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation. "Young kids -- namely those between the ages of 1 and 4 -- haven't developed good coping skills yet.
They tend to just lose it instead." And what, exactly, sets them off to begin with? Every single tantrum, Levy says, results from one simple thing: not getting what they want. "For children between 1 and 2, tantrums often stem from trying to communicate a need -- more milk, a diaper change, that toy over there -- but not having the language skills to do it," says Levy. "They get frustrated when you don't respond to what they're 'saying' and throw a fit."
For older toddlers, tantrums are more of a power struggle. "By the time kids are 3 or 4, they have grown more autonomous," Levy adds. "They're keenly aware of their needs and desires -- and want to assert them more. If you don't comply? Tantrum city."
So how can you stop these outbursts?
1: Ignore the Kid
The reason this works is fascinating: "During a tantrum, your child is literally out of his mind. His emotions take over -- overriding the frontal cortex of the brain, the area that makes decisions and judgments," says Jay Hoecker, MD, a Rochester, Minnesota, pediatrician.
"That's why reasoning doesn't help -- the reasoning part of his brain isn't working." Says Alan Kazdin, PhD, author of The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, "Once you're in a situation where someone's drowning, you can't teach them to swim -- and it's the same with tantrums.
There's nothing to do in the moment that will make things better. In fact, almost anything you try will make it worse. Once he chills out, then you can talk."
2 : Give Your Child Some Space
"Sometimes a kid just needs to get his anger out. So let him!" says Linda Pearson, a nurse practitioner and author of The Discipline Miracle. (Just make sure there's nothing in tantrum's way that could hurt him.)
"I'm a big believer in this approach because it helps children learn how to vent in a nondestructive way. They're able to get their feelings out, pull themselves together, and regain self-control -- without engaging in a yelling match or battle of wills with you." This trick can work on its own or in tandem with the whole ignoring bit.
3 : Create a Diversion
This is all about a deft mental switcheroo -- getting your kid engaged and interested in something else so she forgets about the meltdown she was just having. "My purse is filled with all sorts of distractions, like toys -- ones my kids haven't seen in a while, books, and yummy snacks," says Alisa Fitzgerald, a mom of two from Boxford, Massachusetts.
If your kid is about to go off the deep end at the supermarket because you won't buy the super-frosted sugar-bomb cereal, try quickly switching gears and enthusiastically saying something like, "Hey, we need some ice cream. Want to help me pick a flavor?" or "Ooh, check out the lobster tank over there!" Explains Levy: "Children have pretty short attention spans -- which means they're usually easy to divert. And it always helps if you sound really, really psyched when you do it. It gets their mind off the meltdown and on to the next thing that much faster." Fitzgerald agrees: "You have to channel your inner actress and be an entertainer -- one with props!"
4 : Discipline Without Spanking
The next time you feel the urge to spank, take a deep breath instead and consider what you want your child to learn.
5 : Find Out What's Really Frustrating Your Kid
This trick is for tantrums among the under-2-and-a-half set, says Dr. Hoecker. "Children this age usually have a vocabulary of only about 50 words and can't link more than two together at a time. Their communication is limited, yet they have all these thoughts and wishes and needs to be met. When you don't get the message or misunderstand, they freak out to release their frustration." One solution, he says: sign language. Teaching your child how to sign a few key words -- such as more, food, milk, and tired -- can work wonders.
Another approach is to empathize with your kid, which helps take some of the edge off the tantrum, and then play detective. "My 22-month-old throws tantrums that can last up to -- yikes! -- 20 minutes," says Melanie Pelosi, a mom of three from West Windsor, New Jersey. "We've taught her some words in sign language, but if she wants something like a movie, she won't know how to ask for it -- and still freaks out. So I say, 'Show me what you want,' and then I see if she'll point to it. It's not always obvious, but with a little time and practice you begin to communicate better. If she points to her older brother, for example, that usually means that he's snatched something away from her, and I can ask him to give it back. I can't tell you how many awful, drawn-out meltdowns we've avoided this way!"
6 : Hugs
"This may feel like the last thing you want to do when your kid is freaking out, but it really can help her settle down," Levy says. "I'm talking about a big, firm hug, not a supercuddly one. And don't say a word when you do it -- again, you'd just be entering into a futile battle of wills. Hugs make kids feel secure and let them know that you care about them, even if you don't agree with their behavior." Cartwright Holecko, of Neenah, Wisconsin, finds that it helps: "Sometimes I think they just need a safe place to get their emotions out."
7 : Offer Food or Suggest a Little R&R
"Being tired and hungry are the two biggest tantrum triggers," says Levy. Physically, the kid is already on the brink, so it won't take much emotionally to send him over. "Parents often come to me wondering why their child is having daily meltdowns. And it turns out they're happening around the same time each day -- before lunch or naptime and in the early evening. It's no coincidence! My advice: feed them, water them, and let them veg -- whether that means putting them to bed or let
8 : Talk it over afterward.
When the storm subsides, hold your child close and talk about what happened. Using simple language, acknowledge his frustration, and help him put his feelings into words, saying something like, "You were very angry because your food wasn't the way you wanted it," Kopp suggests.
Let him see that once he expresses himself in words, he'll get better results. Say with a smile, "I didn't understand you because you were screaming. Now that you're calm, I can find out what you want." Then give him a hug.
9 : Try to head off tantrum-triggering situations.
Pay attention to what pushes your child's buttons and plan accordingly.
Make sure she gets enough rest and carry snacks with you. Temper tantrums are more frequent and intense when kids are tired or hungry.
Give her a gentle heads up before transitioning from one activity to the next. Letting her know when you're going to leave the playground or sit down to dinner, for example, gives her a chance to adjust instead of react. ("We're going to eat when you and Daddy are done with your story" or "Five more pushes on the swing and we're leaving.")
Offer limited choices. Your child is grappling with independence and new kinds of demands from you, her peers, and her teachers, so let her make choices when possible. No one likes being told what to do all the time. Saying, "Would you like corn or carrots?" rather than "Eat your corn!" gives her a sense of control.
Monitor how often you say no, too. If you find you're rattling it off routinely, you could be putting unnecessary stress on both of you. Ease up and choose your battles. After all, would it really wreck your schedule to spend an extra five minutes at the playground?
10 : Remember that you're the adult.
No matter how long the tantrum goes on, don't give in to unreasonable demands or negotiate with your screaming child. It's especially tempting in public to cave in as a way of ending the episode.
But conceding only teaches your child that pitching a fit is the way to get what she wants and sets the stage for future behavior problems. What's more, a tantrum is frightening enough for your child without her feeling that you're not in control, either.
If your preschooler's outburst escalates to the point where she's hitting people or pets, throwing things, or screaming nonstop, pick her up and carry her to a safe place, such as her bedroom, where she can't harm herself. Tell her why she's there ("because you hit your sister"), and let her know that you'll stay with her until she calms down. If you're in a public place – a common breeding ground for tantrums – be prepared to leave with your child until she gets a grip.
"My daughter had an absolute fit at a restaurant because the plain spaghetti she ordered arrived with chopped parsley on it," another mother recalls. "Although I realized why she was upset, I wasn't about to let her disrupt everyone's dinner. I took her outside until she calmed down."
11: Don't lose your cool.
You may be tempted to stomp out of the room, but that can make your child feel abandoned. The storm of emotion he's feeling can be frightening to him, and he needs to know you're nearby. When your child is swept up in a tantrum, he's unable to listen to reason, though he will respond – negatively – to yelling or threatening.
"The more I shouted at Brandon to stop, the wilder he would get," says one mother. What worked instead, she discovered, was to sit down calmly and just be with him while he raged.
Rather than leave your child thrashing on the floor, summon up the strength to avoid yelling and quietly go to him. If he's not flailing too much, pick him up and hold him. Chances are he'll find your embrace comforting and will calm down more quickly. And if he's showing a little bit of anger without getting too out of control, you can always try ignoring him until the storm passes.
12 : Give Your Kid Incentive to Behave
Certain situations are trying for kids. Maybe it's sitting through a long meal at a restaurant. Whatever the hissy hot button, this is the trick: "It's about recognizing when you're asking a lot of your child and offering him a little preemptive bribe," Pearson says. "While you're on your way to the restaurant, for example, tell him, 'Alex, Mommy is asking you to sit and eat your dinner nicely tonight. I really think you can do it!
And if you can behave, then when we get home I'll let you watch a video.'" For the record, Pearson says this kind of bribery is perfectly fine, as long as it's done on your terms and ahead of time -- not under duress in the middle of a tantrum. If your kid starts to lose it at any point, gently remind him about the "treat" you discussed. "It's amazing how this can instantly whip them back into shape," says Pearson.
13 : Let your child know you love him.
Once your child is calm and you've had a chance to talk to him about his tantrum, give him a quick hug and tell him that you love him. It's important to reward good behavior, including your child being able to settle down and talk things over with you.
14 : Speak Calmly
This
is a biggie -- and is much easier said than done. But experts insist
you must keep your cool during a child's tantrum. "Otherwise, you'll get
into a power struggle and make the whole thing escalate. Plus, part of
the reason kids resort to tantrums is to get attention," Dr. Hoecker
says.
"They don't care if it's positive or negative attention they're
getting. All they care about is that you're giving them 100 percent of
it." Levy agrees, and adds: "Talking in a soothing voice shows your
child that you're not going to let her behavior get to you. It also
helps you stay relaxed -- when what you really want to do is yell right
back. In fact, the calm tone is as much for the parent as the child! If
you're tense, your kid will pick up on it, and it's going to amp her up
even more."
15 : Get Out Of There
Getting kids away from the scene of the tantrum can snap them out of it. "It's also a great strategy when you're out and about," says Levy. "If your child starts melting down over a toy or candy bar he wants, pick him up and take him either to a different area of the store or outside until he calms down. Changing the venue really can change the behavior."
RUJUKAN
AAP. 2015. Top tips for surviving temper tantrums. American Academy of Pediatrics. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Temper-Tantrums.aspx [Accessed May 2016]
JHM. Undated. Johns Hopkins Medicine. http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/pediatrics/temper_tantrums_90,P02295/ [Accessed May 2016]
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